Lazy Revolution: Baby Boomer Women: Shut the ___

Wrong Time to Take a Stand, Ladies

Tuesday night (more like Wednesday morning) produced many happy, delirious people in this country. The primary election results in Ohio, Texas, and Rhode Island gave a certain group in this country a warm feeling they haven't felt since Billie Jean King beat Bobby Riggs (people 30 and younger: this was when tennis was played with wooden rackets).

Who were these people?

Old white women.

Now I don't mean old, like old-ass women. I'm not talking about the Golden Girls here. No, not the "Greatest Generation."

Who are they?

OUR MOMS!!!!!

They've waited for one of their own to get here, and there's no stopping them now! Forget about democracy, these are Baby Boomer women and their time is NOW, dammit! These are the original soccer moms, the first mini-van mothers, the ones who started Parenting magazines and all this "children are the future" BS. These women all saw the ERA die like a goldfish on a living room carpet. These women have seen their children grow up, go to college, get married, and have children of their own. They are empty nesters. They've been cheated on. They've been divorced. They've been passionate about issues like abortion rights, equal pay, and health care. They've felt themselves smashed up against the glass ceiling like hooligans in a soccer riot against a barricade. All of this throughout their entire lives, and they believe their one true hope is Hillary. Hillary? Clinton? You bet. Call her a bitch, and these women embrace it. I bet there are "I'm a bitch! And I'm voting for Hillary!" buttons floating around.

The fact that Senator Clinton has made a bit of a comeback only pours fuel on the fire. A fire that no doubt smells like Jean Nate.

And for everything these women have been through (I know of one in particular who had the lucky task of raising ME), they certainly deserve to have one of their own be the President. But now? And with her?

How about taking a step back and looking rationally at the situation? This may be difficult for moms to do, as these are the people who read obituaries instead of comics. Hell, they still read the newspaper! In paper form! (how quaint) But logically, they must admit that Sen. Clinton and Sen. Obama have virtually identical policies. They are basically the same on almost every single issue. Sure, they have a few minor differences, but for the most part, either one of them would in theory, make a decent Democratic President, witholding any contempt for the Clintons.

But the one fact that Hillary supporters cannot grasp is that Republicans HATE this woman! Unfairly, sure. The vast majority of Hillary-haters are white guys with tiny dicks who are scared of impressive women. Your Larry Craigs and Rush Limbaughs are TERRIFIED of women like Hillary Clinton. They must remind them of the girls in high school who laughed at them. It's probably what turned most of these neocons gay. Remember how Karl Rove reacted to Sheryl Crow? She touched his arm and he yelled "don't touch me!" He said this to SHERYL CROW. Yes, her. This woman! When a woman like that touches a man's arm, "don't touch me" is the LAST thing you say. Um, if you're STRAIGHT, anyway. Enough about these closet cases.

The point is, these "men" hate Hillary so much that they influence other dumb people to hate her, too, and these "people" will vote against her. In droves. These same morons will, however, vote for Barack Obama. He's only half black. And he's certainly not "threatening," or "ethnic." It's not like Flavor Flav is going to be Secretary of State if it's President Obama. And we actually have Georgie Bush to thank for Senator Obama's acceptance by morons in this country.

Stay with me.

Dubya is loved by idiots. We know this. They comprise the 20% of douchebags who continue to stand by their man in the face of, well, reality. Now, this monkey of a man, Bush, has had two African-Americans as his Secretary of State: Colin Powell and Condoleeza "I have a freakin' oil tanker named after me" Rice. See, Dubya made it OK for neocons to have colored people in positions of power. They feel better about black people now. Plus Bill Cosby, of course.

OK, it's a stretch, but seriously, people are motivated by Sen. Obama. He's enthralling. Will.I.Am made TWO videos for him! (dude, the first one was dope, but the second one was just aiight for me) -guest commentary by Randy Jackson.

It's time for a black President. It's time for REAL change, not the poltical rhetoric of "change" in quotation marks. After all these years under the regime of a man and a party who STOLE the election TWICE, it's time to restore the office with some motherfuckin' dignity!

America is ready for a Chocolate City!